All you need to know about a washlet

When I first came to Japan I, like everyone else, took special notice of the space age toilet seats. It took a couple of years to get used to them but once I got over the fear that I might electrocute myself while doing my business, I've now come to wonder how I ever got through life before without a washlet.

One the surface, the blue and the pink buttons are for the different angles men and women biologically demand from a bidet. The other buttons are great examples of human ingenuity that even Thomas Edison would marvel at.

First, there is the "music button". Push this button and muzak (that's right, direct from the elevator to your stall) plays to mask the sound of you doing your business. Although pushing the button announces to everyone that indeed you are having a number 2; the finality of the revelation is something that can put people off using this function.

Second, there is the "deodoriser button". This button somehow is placed perfectly to provide maximum smell termination in the form of a small vacuum. These come in mainly two varieties, the first being the ones introduced a couple years ago that sound like a jet engine revving for take off and the newer ones that are more discreet in their workings.

Third, and most important in my opinion, is the "dryer button". Somehow, using the infrared sensor mounted beneath the hinge of the toilet seat, this device can find exactly the right angle and strength to dry your backside. Once you get past the unnerving feeling of cool air where there usually isn't cool air, it becomes quite nice.

Be sure to check out the other features on the really modern washlets, like volume control and strength controls on all the features I just mentioned. Once you get used to it, you'll never go back.